Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize