I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
