the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize