I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
