i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
