Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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