It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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