is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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