My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
