I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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