It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
