Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
