I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
