I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
