My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
