just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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