Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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