Taylor Swift is so right about you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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