he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
