John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
handjob tips. give me some.
love makes seman taste better
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
