The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
