Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
