Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
