Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
