You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
