make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
