If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
