Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
