Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't deserve a penis
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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