found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
