i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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