cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize