i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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