I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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