3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
