whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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