Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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