shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
