Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
