the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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