I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
