So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
