So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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