I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I have feelings that need drinking.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
