Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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