i think i have two assholes
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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