Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
