Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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