I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
