What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
