I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize