I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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