But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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