why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
