i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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