So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
