We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
