I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
