I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
