for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize