Already got asked if we're dating
The maid of honor just puked.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
