so that wasnt chicken after all
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
