My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize