His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize