Yo dont text me then not text me
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
