i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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