you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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