I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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