Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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