If i come over, it means nothing
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize