peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
