Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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