all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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