I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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