I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize