member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
