wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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